Why do my nostrils look like this? Look around. Do you see that other people have symmetrical nostrils? Do you??? I find this incredibly disturbing.
Frog on carpet
I don’t mind reptiles or amphibians. Give me a snake, frog or a spider any day over, say, a mouse. Or a bat. Or any rodent with fur, really. But, this frog... Why is he on my bedroom carpet? How did he get there? It is the not knowing that really gets me. Did he come in on Gerd’s towel from the hot tub? Or is there a hole somewhere I am unaware of, and if so, what else is coming in said hole? These questions will never be answered. But, I do know this. Frogs don’t belong on carpet. They belong on grass. Or lily pads or something.
News about how many insects we ingest yearly
Why are these facts even out there? How are they helpful? There isn’t anything about knowing that I ingest an average of four spiders in my sleep that helps me be more successful in my daily life. In fact, this knowledge is likely to prohibit me from getting a good night’s sleep, causing me to fall asleep at the wheel and drive into a crowd of peace activists on the Marshall Avenue bridge, creating much more pain and sorrow than any news of insect ingestion ever would.
This photo of Raena:
This photo has been repeatedly placed (by two of my children) as my phone background, while I was innocently off getting the mail or cooking dinner. It never disappoints. I am startled and disturbed every time. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate very much the creativity that my daughters exercised in making it. But still. Creepy.
Rotating meat
Who thinks this is a good idea? Rotating meat, barely contained behind some glass, which we presume is to keep out germs (yeah, right). I’ve seen the distracted mom trying to get cash from the ATM while her filthy kid takes his finger out of his nose to try and grab a weiner. And what do you think, that the convenience store worker ran out to remove the contaminated meat? Oh, HELL no. They promptly turned the other way, acting busy shelving cigarettes, knowing full well that the booger (or worse) would just rotate its way around and disappear by the time the next person walks through that door. It would be one thing if this phenomenon was a fluke. Just a funny road trip photo I snapped while driving through Cooterville, Alabama. But no!! These are everywhere!! And despite several warnings from me, I have actually witnessed my husband purchase AND EAT meat from one of these. Terrifying.
The view from my pillow
This doesn’t so much disturb me as it annoys me. When I lay back to rest my weary head on my pillow at night, this is the view. Who wants to look at all this shit from their bed?? Meanwhile, all around the house, children (who claimed they HAD to have their own bedrooms - and yes, of course they’ll do their homework in them at the desks they also had to have...) are spread out in public areas of the house while their rooms sit empty, and I am forced (OK, I’m allowing it... and YES, I do know who the parent is...) to live and sleep where I work. Little bastards.
This White Puma purse
This purse can be found on:
1. The arm of a pregnant teen who has a boyfriend with pants sagged so low his belt is mid-thigh.
2. Girls in their upper 20s who still go to frat parties on the weekends and use tanning beds more than 3 times per week.
3. Suburban moms between 32-46 years old who should have never had kids. Ever.
4. Fabulous and outrageous cross-dressing men.
5. 90% of the female guests on the Jerry Springer show.
Only in the case of #4 is this purse EVER acceptable.
Let me post a great big second to the Rotating Meat conclusion. Sometimes, when I find myself out on the Interstate and the only protein available to me is rotating meat, I remember George Washington Carver's contribution to American nutrition, and head for the snack hangers.
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