How China Filled A Void That The Thanksgiving Stuffing Could Not...and other suburban fairy tales

Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday and the newest add on....Giving Tuesday. 

As Thanksgiving approaches, we know what we’re supposed to do. We’re supposed to have grateful feelings, to plan a gluttonous meal reminiscent of a distant gathering of pilgrims and Indians or whatever fairy tale we learned in 3rd grade regarding the Thanksgiving story, all the while tracing our hand with colored marker to make a turkey that our grandma could admire over her pumpkin pie.

But, the truth is, it’s hard. The approaching holidays are an unpleasant reminder of our dysfunction, staring back at us in the mirror each morning. It’s easy enough to ignore the hard facts during the rest of the year, but a holiday designed to bring families together makes it pretty hard to deny that certain members of said family aren’t even speaking to you. As Thanksgiving day approaches, anxiety bubbles under the surface, the knowledge that unfinished conversations and taboo topics just might come out after a certain number of cocktails. And the fact that you only see your kids on holidays every other year per your divorce decree notwithstanding, it can be a pretty fucking difficult time.

However, we’re Americans. And if there is one thing we are good at, it’s self medication. We consume. So, the balm to our pain is purchase. And since we are bound together, as the greatest nation in the world (*gag), we might as well set aside a day we can all share in this gluttony together. Black Friday. The consummation of our consumption.

And on paper, yes, I know it probably started as a way to get a jump on your holiday shopping (*shopping for others...?) and for some, it’s a nice tradition and way for ‘the women’ to stay busy after Thanksgiving while their husbands sleep off the turkey coma....blah,blah,blah.  But, I spoke with several people this year, including a couple of retail employees, regarding Black Friday shopping.  And you know what? I didn’t hear much about this “shopping for others” concept. I heard mostly about purchasing great deals to further one’s own.....well being?

We have a collective conscious, I suppose. We know on a certain, politically correct level that all this gluttonous spending to further our own well being is wrong. Or at least not “righteous”. So brought the birth of Small Business Saturday. And I saw it written in recent weeks that one might consider how purchasing products from China at discount prices will further our own struggling economy. Good point. Cleanse yourselves with a couple of Small Business Saturday purchases and feel that you’re doing your part.

But, no worry, you won’t have to wait long for another chance at the really good deals, because here comes Cyber Monday.  And this one I promise you’ll like. No need to concern yourself with pesky details like the potential to become trampled to your death by a flash mob looking to buy a 700” TV for $59.99. This time, you simply sit in the privacy of your own home/cubicle/office/car and you point, click, point, click. It feels good, doesn’t it? Because looking forward to that awesome new pair of shoes on your doorstep feels a lot better than trying to determine which side of the family you’ll spend Christmas with. Or trying to find the appropriate gift for a family member that you don’t really know well enough to even power through a lunch date, much less participate in a gift exchange.

And “Giving Tuesday”?  Well, we didn’t hear much about that, did we?  Just a couple spots on public radio...a fleeting attempt for the non-profits to grab a couple of our guilt-drenched dollars before year end. They even set up a website (www.givingtuesday.org) to try and grab those point-n-clickers. But, honestly, we’re all exhausted. It’s been another long year and we feel (justified or not) that we’ve already given ‘enough’, right? We just.do.not.have.time to do anything more than fill up this holiday season with our already lengthening list of “to do” items.

Sigh.

I wish I had an answer. A solution for the yearafteryearafteryear same old struggles. I wish the “Jesus is the reason for the season” slogans did anything for me at all. Or at least didn’t send me into yet another tirade about hypocritical “Christians”...

When I was about 12, I dug through my parents closet looking for my hidden away Christmas gifts. That year, I succeeded in finding them, and later when they were all wrapped and under the tree, I knew what every single thing was. Really, it completely ruined the whole thing for me. I’ll never forget the empty feeling I had that Christmas. 

I don’t have the answers. I don’t know the correct ending to it all. But I know this: There ain’t a purchase made that’s gonna bring any of us true happiness this holiday season.

So, I’ll leave you with this...

May we all find a way to fill up with something, anything, that gives us meaning this holiday season.

Peace.

Who Loves Their Kid Most?

The Stillwater High School Yearbook has a name.  It’s called the Kabekonian, or more specifically.... Kabekonian & Arts Magazine Stylus. Hello pretentious! Something came in the mail the other day from Kabekonian, and I put it in Hannah’s mailbox, because I try to involve myself as little as possible in the whole yearbook situation.  It irritates me that the cost is so extremely high, and my kids know we won’t even discuss the purchase of one until their senior year. I can’t see a good reason why the price should be $80 and I am sorry my kids won’t have the opportunity to laugh at old photos from all four of their high school years, but that’s just how it’s going to be.

Last night, Hannah gave the letter back to me, stating that it was “for parents to purchase full page ads or something”.  Hmm... what could this mean? Well, I’ll tell you what it meant...  The letter was an offer to take out an “ad” for your own child, stating heartfelt, gushing sentiment for all to see in the overpriced yearbook. The flyer was complete with examples of potential “ads” and of course, a price list.  And the tiny, need-a-magnifying-glass-to-read-cheapest-ad costs $50.  Or, choose one of increasingly large and increasingly expensive sized ads up to the half page ad (complete with room for a baby photo AND the senior photo). The half page ad=$180 (100 word limit). While you’re at it, feel free to add monogramming and icons to the year book, too.  Really, you’re just a few check boxes away from a $300 yearbook.  Sorry, I mean $300 Kabekonian. 

And these ads!  I’ve seen them before... These ads are all the rage out here in suburbia, folks.  They have them at the dance recitals, too.  And at the “end of the year” banquet program for some of the other sports and activities, too.

So, let’s get this straight.  It isn’t ENOUGH that we as parents have paid for kids to participate in the activities, purchased clothing, supplies, costumes, food, activity fees, hotel rooms and who knows what else that we’ve likely forgotten or blocked out.  It isn’t enough that we’ve provided healthy meals for top performance at the athletic events. It isn’t enough that we’ve taken time off work to attend the events and the conferences and the recitals and we’ve paid to attend the banquets and we are overpaying for the yearbook and the all night party and onandonandonandonandon.  It isn’t enough that we’ve driven MILES, all over the state, and possibly neighboring states, to cheer and support and love and hug and wipe tears & snot and say encouraging things to often ungrateful teenagers.

No.  It’s not enough.  Now, we must declare our love for all to see.

Never mind the private card. Never mind the text message of encouragement when we couldn’t get out of that meeting.  Never mind the photo we sent because we were simply “thinking of” our child.

Not good enough, folks.  

Because you just know that every single parent (myself included) looked at that piece of propaganda, with which the school district rapes us of our hard earned dollars, and thought only one thing... Will my kid feel bad if they see that other parents took out an ad and I didn’t?  And there they have us.  But no!  I’m one stubborn bitch if I’m anything.  They’re not getting me that easily...

Hannah was sitting in the living room, dutifully filling out one of her college applications.  I said, Hannah, I hope you won’t feel that I love you any less when I don’t take out a half page ad for $180 declaring it in the Kabekonian.  She said, “Are you kidding me? People actually do that?”.  I then went on to make fun of the whole thing, and ultimately ended up feeling even more guilty, because I knew that deep down inside, she might actually WISH that I had taken out the ad.  What if she was just playing along to protect my feelings?! So, then I back peddled with talk about how we’re going on that trip to San Francisco together over spring break, in a fleeting attempt to justify the fact that I didn’t take out the ad and may or may not have hurt her feelings and crushed her spirit, creating the necessity for additional years in therapy someday to try and deal with the multitude of childhood traumas I’ve been a part of creating for her.  

Guilt.  It’s on the menu every damn night out here in Suburbia.

But, I’m still not putting in an ad.